Memories

•October 23, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I entered my old house recently.  It was interesting to say the least.  I thought I would have a myriad of feelings and really all I felt was relief and pity.

I looked around and saw similar furniture, in the same place as I had it.  Beds, tables, lounges.  I don’t suppose there is much that can be changed in some respects but still it made me smile as I saw it.  I saw the tiles I selected on the floors, I saw the air conditioner I purchased on the wall and realised that my ghost is in that house.

It wasn’t just me that said it either.  It was said to me earlier by another, that although I would be gone from the house my presence would be there.  My choices of plants in the garden, the landscaping of the garden all discussed with me.  Animals purchased with me.  Not just that but my life imprinted in those walls, the neighbours my friends, raising children within those walls.  The master room where I spent my sleeping hours and writing among other things.

My partner spent time with me there as well, but I am glad to be out.  Start afresh with my love, no memories to be around, nothing for children to comment about.  But it is still my house and I am able to wander in and out when I please.  Able to see what they try to do to remove my presence, amusing to me in many ways, I am in that house, I helped build it, I helped design it, my friends helped build it.  I am in that house in a very personal way.  I may not have got to finish it but it I am there.

Watching body language is also very telling.  Stiffness, proprietary touches and discomfort.  Gotta love that, it’s all food for books.  To see things happening in front of you is interesting.  To see it when truth is known is fascinating, especially when truth is known by all parties bar one.  And that one if they have any intelligence would know.  But as they say denial is a wonderful place to be.  I know I’ve been there often.  Refusing to accept the truth until you practically choke on it.  The body language tells all.  Which makes books more real to people.  Unable to look at me, moving away, stilted answers to easy questions.  But the nuances of it all is what grabs me.  Will grab readers.

Life continues to grow easier, my love supports me in ways I never knew and his desire to see me succeed is amazing to me.  I was writing through the night and he awoke, wrapped himself around me, told me he loved me and went back to sleep.  He would much rather me write with me in bed rather than me leaving the bed.  He wants me to write and is happy when I am.  He wants me to stretch out and be all that I am.

And so here I am, blogging, writing short stories, and working on my novels.  All in the middle of the night when I am at my most creative.  Who knew a person could help set you free?

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Writers Write.

•October 10, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Well it’s true we do.  But we write regardless of whether we get published or not.  We write.

We write in diaries, on blogs and on pieces of paper lying around.  We write.  We are driven to write.  It is a compulsion we can’t deny any more than breathing.  Doesn’t mean all are good at it, or that we all want to be published.  But we want to write, we need to write.  As I have healed the urge to write has returned.  I have written but editing what I have written, ugh.  hate that bit.  But as I am keen to have another few published, editing is a must.

I write about what I feel, how I am, what has happened to me.  I often take snippets of real life, of real people and pop them into stories.  Snippets come from things you hear from strangers, sights you see; a tearful face, an argument are all food for the writer.  I also become the story as I create it.  It is real to me, for it contains me.  My emotions go into it, my thoughts, my ideas.  I can lose myself while writing and have to drag myself back to reality.

I have learned that people can take offence at what is written.  They take it personally or they hate the truth.  Even when it isn’t always aimed at someone in particular I have learned that people will take it as a dig at them anyway.  And even when it is just the plain truth, well truth sucks and it can hurt.  They don’t like it.

So as a writer emotions and parts of everything else go into my writing. Part of the reason I didn’t update my blog was what happened.  It was too raw for me and so I couldn’t face it.  I thought by avoiding writing I could avoid it.  Doesn’t work well.  I was busy as well, working, parenting, surviving.  I am still busy, but, the drive to write is revving up.  I have opened up a few WIPs and sure enough I am editing.  And ideas are no longer diving from my grasp.  Well the reality is the ideas were there but when it came to writing them I would only get so far and then lose the oomph.  I think I have well over 50 incomplete WIPs and about 8 WIPS that really need editing.

The emotions are better now and the writing flows longer and the stories have endings rather than nothing appearing.  The incomplete WIPs I am able to look at and complete. I have other story ideas away from my normal style. I look forward to bringing them into being.

I am writer, I will write.

The makings of a novel

•September 9, 2012 • 2 Comments

What makes a good story line?

Heartbreak?
Betrayal?
Lying?
Revenge?

and then a happy ending?

Sounds like a fabulous story with all these elements doesn’t it?  Well really it was the story of my life.  Admittedly I played a big part in it, not the innocent victim after a while.  But that was because the worm turned and was trying to fight back.

I learned quite a few things in these past few years.  Number one I am not a good mistress.  I discovered I really don’t like lies and discovered that the man lying to be with me wasn’t who I thought he was and I lost respect for him.  Sex was a weapon.

It was kind of funny though.  Who was I being a mistress to?  I was the mistress to the man who walked out of my life.  I should have let him go.  But I had children and a fear I couldn’t cope.  Well the truth of the matter is I could cope.  I coped very well thank you.  I became stronger and less reliant and as time went on I stepped further and further from the security of what I knew, longing for more.  I longed for someone to love me.  Only me.  I longed to be able to trust again.  because when you are wrapped in lies you don’t trust.

I saw lies told to his new “love”, time and time again.  When the children said something he would tell me how he had convinced her of his innocence, and something would shrivel in me.  I learned a lot in that time, not easy to realise about yourself but hey there it is.

I would hear how he had used me as an excuse, “I told her you weren’t willing to sell the house.”  Part true.  I didn’t want to leave the security of my friends that had become my family over the years.  But it was him, not wanting to make the full decision.  I finally did though.  Another fight and that was it.  I would have tried but he was so wrapped up in himself that  I could no longer bear it and the truth hit me hard.  He was a cheat and a liar.  He lied so much he couldn’t remember what he had told me.  Let alone everyone else.

He started to lash out hurting his children and myself even more until I finally left the house and he reclaimed it as his.  Funny really he wears clothes he always claimed to hate, and has colours in the house he always refused to entertain.

Meanwhile I have found a person.  He is wonderful.  Not perfect but perfect for me.  He genuinely loves and cares for me and does things that makes me stop and smile constantly.  he is thoughtful and supportive.  Oh we clash occasionally and we have strong difference of opinions, but he stimulates my mind and I find him wonderful.   He wants to encourage me in things that I had laid aside.  He wants me to be happy and I him.

And he knows.  He knows what I did.  He can’t figure out why and the reasons are almost impossible to explain.  But I am who I am and I have learned more about myself then I could have thought possible in that time.  I am still getting stronger and I am thrilled to have someone to share my life with again.  I wasn’t expecting it.  But still it happened.

I am hoping to settle and write and edit again.  I had started writing even finished a book, but my heart wasn’t in it.  My heart is coming round now it is healed and whole.  My man just complements me.  We suit so well.  My heart is full.  And there are new things on the horizon.  Look forward to seeing you there.

Editing & Competitions

•January 8, 2010 • 3 Comments

I have started to edit a manuscript.  Yep it’s finished but needs the polishing.  I have to admit I am the QUEEN of “and”.
It shows all the way through the writing and, and ,and. It is enough to drive anyone nuts.  I found a new tool thanks to the  lovely people at Natural Reader.

It is a text to voice software piece and the one I downloaded is free.  For me the free version will do although it is tempting to buy so I can adjust some of the words it pronounces LOL.

It picks up all my niggling bad habits of repeating words and phrases, the one habit that annoys me terribly when I read.  For example the book I was reading the other day used the word riposte.  It is french for retort, it actually stopped me for a moment as it is a word infrequently seen.  I liked the way it was used in this first instance.  Unfortunately after the 6th or 7th time it annoyed me.

It was used at least once every chapter and in one instance was used a second time in a paragraph.   When a word is unusual there is nothing wrong with using it more than once in a book but  a continual use can pull the reader from the story as it leaps out at them.

So this reader will help me pick up on the way things read.  I have already used it to pick up where commas are needed and sentences sound awkward.  So why are the people from Natural reader so lovely?

Well it wouldn’t load onto my laptop.  I tried each option they had for downloading it but it just woldn’t work.  I thought it was me and sent them an email only half expecting a reply.  they were fabulous.  emailed me within 4 hours (remembering I am on the other side of the world in a totally different time zone) with a link.  I tried the link and it failed to work.  So I emailed them again to let them know.  Within 3 hours they had sent another link.  This one worked.

Now if this is the service I receive for a free product then I can’t imagine the service i would receive for their paid product.  I would not hesitate to recommend them.  The tool itself is useful for writers as sometimes even when we read it aloud we can still misread words we have written.  This voice gives us a totally independent read.  Something we can do with at times.

Natural Readers 

I also entered a competition.  It’s an ongoing competition at Chase the Dream and I have a few that I can scrub up and enter.  I may not do anything but I’m hoping the practice with editing will do me good.  It’s fun anyway.

Anyway I hope your New Year is going great guns.

Xmas Cheer

•December 15, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I find it hard keeping the blogs separate and the only reason I do so is that I write adult books as well as children books which go under my real name. Part of me doesn’t want to mix it all up but another part of me realises it is hard to keep life apart.. So I may just may look at condensing it into one blog.
Still not sure though.

Banging my head against a wall

•October 31, 2009 • Leave a Comment

photo from getty images

Oh yeah, when you want to write everything is thrown at you to prevent it.  I have resorted to google docs to write,

Why google docs?  Well it is kinda portable.  I can be anywhere and work on it from any computer or even my phone if I get really desperate.  Not ideal but at least I am no cut off from it.  I have contacted technical support to see if I can get it working again.  Fingers crossed.  there is no way i can really get another, this one fell into my hands cheaply.  If it won’t work I will just grab a nebook and work in google docs so I can still have the portability that the Dana offers me.  Editing would still be done on the laptop but for writing well I could do worse.

We will play the wait and see game.  Bubs has decided to let my boob go, so I thought to myself that I would have a chance to write, nup, instead I chased round doing jobs that just had to be done for kids, hubbies jobs etc etc.   In a short while NaNoWriMO will start and I will be there putting my best/worst foot forward and i am going to try and hit those magic 50,000 words.

Ready, steady write.