The makings of a novel

What makes a good story line?

Heartbreak?
Betrayal?
Lying?
Revenge?

and then a happy ending?

Sounds like a fabulous story with all these elements doesn’t it?  Well really it was the story of my life.  Admittedly I played a big part in it, not the innocent victim after a while.  But that was because the worm turned and was trying to fight back.

I learned quite a few things in these past few years.  Number one I am not a good mistress.  I discovered I really don’t like lies and discovered that the man lying to be with me wasn’t who I thought he was and I lost respect for him.  Sex was a weapon.

It was kind of funny though.  Who was I being a mistress to?  I was the mistress to the man who walked out of my life.  I should have let him go.  But I had children and a fear I couldn’t cope.  Well the truth of the matter is I could cope.  I coped very well thank you.  I became stronger and less reliant and as time went on I stepped further and further from the security of what I knew, longing for more.  I longed for someone to love me.  Only me.  I longed to be able to trust again.  because when you are wrapped in lies you don’t trust.

I saw lies told to his new “love”, time and time again.  When the children said something he would tell me how he had convinced her of his innocence, and something would shrivel in me.  I learned a lot in that time, not easy to realise about yourself but hey there it is.

I would hear how he had used me as an excuse, “I told her you weren’t willing to sell the house.”  Part true.  I didn’t want to leave the security of my friends that had become my family over the years.  But it was him, not wanting to make the full decision.  I finally did though.  Another fight and that was it.  I would have tried but he was so wrapped up in himself that  I could no longer bear it and the truth hit me hard.  He was a cheat and a liar.  He lied so much he couldn’t remember what he had told me.  Let alone everyone else.

He started to lash out hurting his children and myself even more until I finally left the house and he reclaimed it as his.  Funny really he wears clothes he always claimed to hate, and has colours in the house he always refused to entertain.

Meanwhile I have found a person.  He is wonderful.  Not perfect but perfect for me.  He genuinely loves and cares for me and does things that makes me stop and smile constantly.  he is thoughtful and supportive.  Oh we clash occasionally and we have strong difference of opinions, but he stimulates my mind and I find him wonderful.   He wants to encourage me in things that I had laid aside.  He wants me to be happy and I him.

And he knows.  He knows what I did.  He can’t figure out why and the reasons are almost impossible to explain.  But I am who I am and I have learned more about myself then I could have thought possible in that time.  I am still getting stronger and I am thrilled to have someone to share my life with again.  I wasn’t expecting it.  But still it happened.

I am hoping to settle and write and edit again.  I had started writing even finished a book, but my heart wasn’t in it.  My heart is coming round now it is healed and whole.  My man just complements me.  We suit so well.  My heart is full.  And there are new things on the horizon.  Look forward to seeing you there.

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~ by Bron on September 9, 2012.

2 Responses to “The makings of a novel”

  1. Wow. I tip my hat in your direction – that would be very difficult to admit to yourself, let alone everyone in the blogosphere. You would appear to be a very strong lady with true conviction. Well done! (and good luck with your new and much more satisfying life!)

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